I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
