Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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