looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I wear drunk well.
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