He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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