paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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