Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
