Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
