It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
