I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
