Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
