I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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