after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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