I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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