Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
