Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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