Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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