so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
