i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
