Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
