Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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