It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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