I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
