i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize