If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
