and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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