Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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