I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
