put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
