I can text with my tongue
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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