either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
