I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
