So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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