oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
