i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
