I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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