at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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