Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
