i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
