I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
