We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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