I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
nutella sex= disaster
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize