if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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