it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
