She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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