You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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