I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
