Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize