my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
