He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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