A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
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We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
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We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?