My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake