Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
