Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
