I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
