there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
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I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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