the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
