lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
