I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
