Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
