zippers are such a cool invention
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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