I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
