if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
