just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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