maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
