Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
