Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize