now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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